these are the good things sandy did

On my way to work this morning, I was so late, now I see y my aunt likes to leave early, so I there reading my exotic thriller when this Puerto Rican guy and his girl come on de train, cool cool, nothing strange, until I hear him say the words bumbaclot, I was like eh???? Wah he just say, I start to laugh out loud, I know them ppl had to think something was wrong with me but I just found it so funny

Let me tell you bout this exotic tale by Noire that my cousin gave me to read de other day. Now I don't usually read these books but the way I saw her getting on while reading it I have to say I was indeed, intrigued. So I start reading de ting now, y de main character's name is Juicy???? And they got other characters like Flex, G (who is her man and owns a placed called G-Spot, the name of the book by the way), Macaroni, Pananae, Pluto and Moonie, just to name a few. Now ya know from de time ya hear names like that ya can't really expect to be reading deep, thought-provoking stuff, nope straight hood, this book got me dying wid laughter more than anything else, I think I'll stay far away from erotic tales for a while, juicy! Pah, juicy fruit!

i enjoy being a girl better

So hear dis nonsense now, I get on de train de odda day, got on like 5 sweaters, a jacket, boots, socks, gloves, jeans, de works, cause I freezing, barely drawing up next to this woman to keep warm and just like that, la-de-da, this girl walks onto the train, short short skirt, ugg boots, and a sweater and proceeds to sit and talk and laugh with her friend, boy, it took me all the willpower of Jah not to go over there and knock her senseless, acting like it’s not below zero outside, the nerve!!!!!!!!

Wid dese trains ya cud always tell when there’s a bum in one of the carts, thing does b free and clear of ppl, not that I blame them, you know how poisonous those gases are? and de smell like it permeates the skin and it’s with u for days. So I just stay my from cart next door and watch as ppl step in and step out and then rush over to my cart and go like “DAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!!!!!” hehe

Been a few places since I been here, went to this lounge was really nice, totally looking forward to Sunday night guys. Can’t wait to go somewhere and hear music that reminds me of home……..ahhhhhhhhh.
Watched that movie the other night, million dollar baby, what a wonderful film that was, nearly brought me to tears, and that girl, what’s her name again, am, Hilary Swank right, she’s tite!!!!!

I could totally eat pizza every single day all day, honestly, it just does something to me, it gives me needs

It’s so cold outside and to top it off it’s raining today, and I’m stuck here at work till after 5, stupes, hum…… I wonder if I concentrated really hard and just tried, if I could jus click my heels and get home, oh man, I forgot, I didn’t walk with my red heels today, chaaaa

so who is doing who?

some ppl are so retarded hear, so today i goin up bet hill and like there's this man to my right that i could let out if i so desired but i was in the flow of my drive and i really didn't feel to, so anyways i drive and gone long bout my business and all of a sudden de man appears beside me, and this follows:
man - "you know how to change a tire?"
me - (with a rather bewildered look) "no"
man - "ha, i glad das wah u get for not letting me out"

then speeds and goes on his merry way. in one word "BERR!!!!" ya gotta see the crack and leave the crack hear!

i think everybody that went to carnival is a total loser, hum.....i wonder if any of them contributed to the tsunami fund instead of flying all over the c'bean wukkin-up! (however, secretly i wish i was there wukkn-up as well)

is that all there is?

so y would i have a dream about the great brian lara kidnapping me along with 8 other ppl and then killing us one by one? isn't that just like the weirdest thing? even though i would have to admit there is something rather exciting about the thought of being kidnapped by him.....he's interesting.

the weather down here is just doing its own ting nowadays boy, barely but wukking-up in me, tell me y as a youth in the c'bean i would be wearing socks in bed nah? socks as well as being under a comforter and got de sheet all up under my chin and huddling in a corner of my bed, hehe, cold as wah outside boy

so carnival is here and everyone is talking bout it all over their stupid faces, like hello, some of us are trying to read our bibles over here!!!!! geez, i hope they know that jesus can c ya in t'dad, so ef i were them i would go over there and just clap my hands

so what will i do tomorrow nah? boy i smell excitement coming up, wake-up, shit (lol, i could hear my mother laffing at that one all now) and watch tv, fun fun fun, i need ajob

so here's a joke: what's green and smells like pork? kermit's finger. ha. i kill me!!!!!
i miss my jammy

of all the houses in this town you chose mine

trust me to have a grasshopper with an identity crisis. why is it that for the passt week we have had a freaking grasshopper in the house, moving from room to room mekking de world of noise. Grasshopper - jumping and chirping insect of sub-order Saltatoria.........soooooooooo, why are u in my house????? shouldn't u be like outside being eaten by a frog or something, aren't the knicks or somebody playing, gosh go outside man. you may wonder y i don't just kill it. well, this answer is threefold, (1) why kill one of gods creatures (2) green used to be my favourite colour and (3) i am so completely scared of the thing dread, i mean cause it could like totally pounce on my at any given time rite and that ain't cool. so yes, i am a prisoner to the hopper :(

black boys on mopeds

now i am telling you, if i don't get these puppies outta here i am gonna blow something!!!!!! where i get these devil pups from i don't know but if by thursday dem ain't get no owners i sorry but is de streets fa dem, yeah man, you doubt me

meanwhile "ele" was sweet den, i mean, i had a ball, had on ma dancing gym shoes, exercised before ah left home so i was ready like freddy, and my man ele, didn't disppoint, went wid melly, shelly and ally, sorry kelly ain't mek ele, but maybe next toss, but it was great, for shitey my whitey

how cold is outside nowadays though, maybe santa claus is coming to the caribbean this year

sinead o'connor's music so does it for me

it's not the size that matters

trust mel to be doing a promotion where she encounters a securtiy guard from hell. hear tune, so this man keep talking and talking to mel, before she tell him from the start that "hey dude, u know what, i'm not interested ya know" she keep on talking back and smiling sweetly, so when he come today and reason he wanna borrow some money to buy some books y is she surprized???? de man basically think wunna is friends and what do friends do for each other, help them out when they need a hand duh!!!! so now when she says no, de man get vex vex ya know, lol, talking bout, and i quote "wait, y u gein on so, u like u is one a dem sorta girls ya" (when i hear this i deading ya know, cause she doing his voice real good) "i gun leff u alone boah" LOLOLOL. so now later on in de day after he done tell her he done comin round her cause she like she weird he gan still approach her and ask and i quote again "wah wrong wid you that u watching me? everytime everytime i look up i c you staring at me!" people, u would have to hear mel doing his voice to really get it, it is so funny that just typing bout it bringing tears to me eyes, the world is made up of many types..

in related news, so i gone to the laundry today cause ya know with this weather risking putting ya clothes on de line a a no no, so see me walking up supercentre stairs now n dese fellas at de top of de stairs gan reason "wait, ya mean ya can't clean, cook and now ya can't wash?". so in my lil voice i reason, "like hello, have u SEEN the weather recently, i can't get anything done" and they're like yeah waeva we ain't hearing u, ya can't wash plain n simple, n then it hit me, i don't know these ppl, y am i hear talking to them in the beginning, gotta go back on my medication ya!

bout these puppies from hell, i swear i gan give one of dem a choke slam sometime soon ya know, it's like they think i'm they're bitch, which i can't blame them for cause eveytime they cry i does b running outside, but now they taking it to another level, and oh baby, it's on!!!! crying crying if they want attention, crying if they want to be moved, crying so that i could come running out n then they get in their lil corner and laff at me, but you wait boy, i got a lil something planned called kitty cat!!!!!

stuttering stanley

de yr of the tie-tongue - now don't get me wrong, i have nothing against ppl with tie tongue, or dat stata nor nuttin, i sometimes stata myself and i used to talk to a guy das stata n that was a challenge within itself, but y is it that i jus butting them in some trying situations, take when i was in j'ca this summer after a nite of partying n stuff we decide to take a taxi home at like 4 sain in de morning so now when we get back on camp we gi de driver 5 US cause is b like 3 bills to get from de club to mona but we didn't know that taxi men don't take US and as foreign as they sound to us when they talk trust me we sound the same to them so while i there telling him we ain't got no jam he was trying to tell me something, now i can honestly say i understand most jamaican most of the time but what is worst than a fast talking jamaican? a stuttering fast talking jamaican, de man dere like "giberish, giberish, gibersh, me me me me, giberish nah, giberish gibersih US money" i swear, das wah i hear, tek me bout 5 mins to crack dat one and den when i finally get it i still ain't had nah jamaican to give him so he stupes curse me n went long, i cudn't even get vex cause up to now i still ain't know wah he say, n then today at sch now i drivin to park in this spot n this guard gan tell me i can't park in there so i like, "hello, i jus saw like 5 parks tho" and he's like "i i i i i i i i i i i i i i am de o o o o o o o official person.........." n den de rest is a blur honestly, what's goin on with the world?

after hour sex

so hear tune now, i lying down last nite, like after 12 flicking thru de channels and i see this ting on de oxygen channel rite entitled "late nite sex talk" so i like ooh la la, yeah man dat's what i'm talking bout, some late nite porn to hit de spot, y when i flick to de channel i c dis old ass white woman taking on air calls n offering sex advice, i was like berr? (1) wah dis bitch doin up so late? (2)wah dis bitch know bout sex nah, when she was having sex women dah time never even used to shave their tout tout so i cudn't figure out wah she was trying to do, how bout if i was a man i wudda get soft inna one

new york revisted

de morning i was coming back to bim see me outside on the step ya know getting all sentimental, looking back at my time in ny, wishing i could stay, bare things. so ya know dem flights does be early, so i outside now watching the sun come up, watching my 100 lb uncle and my 101lb grandfather lifting my suitcases in de car, watching the breeze blowing the leaves in the trees enjoying the nice morning air then i look up (didn't have on my glasses by the way) and i saw this thing running down the block i there like awe......one of the neighbours pups traveling all down de block to c me off, y when de ting get closer i realize it was a big ass rat, now honestly, wah de........ting look like it does be in de macdonald trash bin jus chillin on some burgers.......if they had a rat "spokesrodent" for micky dees that would b it...........left me fairly disturbed to say the least