no joy

i have tried for the last few months to make you as miserable as i feel and now i've succeeded i am not even enjoying the moment...does it even make sense?....inevitability slowly creeps in....

the mood is.

i've been having some strange feelings recently when it comes to love. limitations i guess. i've always heard that you should love the one you can't live without...do i want that though? do i want to be so enamored with someone that i can't live without them, my life stops when they leave or that i stay in a situation that is not good for me? no, no i can't do that...not again. so then am i loving as i should? am i giving wholeheartedly, am i being true to love but then wanting to be love unconditionally when i know i might be holding back?

i always used to say circumstances made me what i am meaning that i am how i am because of my life events but then i get on my couch and counsel people in letting go the weights from the past. i feel within myself that i can handle any heartbreak that may come my way because i got over my first real love but i could just be blowing smoke as well. it's one of those situations that you won't know until you know i guess.

but i know i am lacking something but i just can't figure out if it is a lacking that i am the cause of or if this is the reason. i want to care about something so passionately that just thinking about it gives me goose bumps but i am afraid that some circumstances have left me empty and numb...and i hate it. i hate not feeling.

slow beats to quick steps
warms winds to cool your chest
sunset moans to sundown moans to sunset
reggae to old dub to ragga soca to bashment
whether with friends acquaintances family
sorrow sighs to laughter to Love's memory
wherever there is wind to run with the music
the mood is however you make it
so..make it...

thank you.

i'm a star (how can i not shine?)

i've been shining my light on you
slowly etching my warm rays towards you
wishing for you dreams that come through
honey brown eyes that view...
only things that are beautiful
blessings that are overflowing and bountiful
surrounded by a family that is wonderful...
and supportive.
and me glowing with the knowledge that
when it comes to matters of the heart
we are working on the same art
and that you finish the words that i start
that you are in my poems and rhymes
i mean, i'm a star...

thank you.

feelings come and go, but some seem to hang around for a long time...and on a day like today...i don't mind at all :). thank you for being my life line.

ppffttt!#$%^&@ you're so eeeeek! i seriously have to stop answering the phone when you call...seriously!

i've been thinking about children a lot recently..maybe it's all the baby-sitting i've been doing but i can't wait to be a mother...so nervous at the same time...when will i know that i'm ready?...will i have a faithful and committed man by my side to father my children and see it through to the end?...i don't want to create a broken home for my children...so how do you know when it's right? i pray God puts me/keeps me in a relationship that he knows is blessed...cause when it comes to matters of the heart....i usually follow my heart over my mind.

i got de festival feva!!!!

writing therapy

unhappiness
i am weak not strong
figures why i can't keep my feet on the ground
sounds the way i sing that same old song
i've been held down for so long
i take full responsibility for not moving on
but i yearn to love the one i hang around
i want the sun to shine on this one
i want us to be that happy him and her noun
i want it to be rumoured all over town
how much they all see that we belong
but i am too weak and he is too young
and i don't know where the love has gone
recently, i've been missing the sun..

thank you.

i got my old hard drive back!!!!! granted no more laptop (for now) but at least i got my files back, i feel like i can breathe again and hopefully i'll pick up some inspiration from my old rhymes...bout time.

i get so frustrated sometimes, i have no idea how i truly feel. how do i feel????? i can't make any decisions about my future if i don't even know myself...sometimes i feel like i'm the only one but no, i can't be.

you're confusing me...i think you're best left where you were...in the PAST!!!

i am mellowing and learning to have patience, mama told me this morning, leave it with God. so i will.

amen.

sometimes i'm afraid of things i cannot see too

i miss my laptop, i really do. it's like my days are spent idling away with nothing of significance to do...depending on other ppl's devices to surf, man it's getting depressing.

is it me or is it hotter than usual nowadays, i've been sweating in all regions (lol) recently, most evenings i can't wait to go home, shower and just relax

.....i've lost my inspiration to write. nothing has been coming to me, and all of my poems are stuck on my old laptop which we can't seem to be able to get into.....

bored at work.

love is as love does...

he treats you like a boy
frowns when you don't act like a man
damn! he could as well've circumcised you
with his bare hands...

i hope you grow to be more than he ever is.
(with or without me)

what a beautiful surprize sunrise is to those who've lived in darkness.....

raindrops outside my window
like the tears that soak my heart
so much confusion in such an empty space
it's like we're worlds apart

i want you to be a beautiful
i want to see all your dreams come true
tonight, tonight, i wish upon a star....
i want the sun to shine on you

thank you.

today will be a wonderful day, i've finished my article and i feel good about that and i want to be able to reach one of my clients today in a more powerful way. in a way that when they walk out of my door their mind's a-twirling at the theories and notions proposed and that they embrace their possibilities.....they can be so much more than what they can even conceive.

i too have to start believing in me more, freal....i've been at a standstill.

love is as love does.....