i've been good all year, i swear

i read something today that made me think.........should i read more? hmmm, i don't like letting people get in my head, worked hard at mastering the art of not letting that happen, yet still....i'm curious. i will think on it.

boy oh boy i can't wait to get my fish sandwich, can we say hungry? my usual morning grapefruit was a major disappointment (thanks auntie esther...for nothing!)

my job is......not fulfilling, yes it is rewarding to be a counsellor and help people, i really do believe this is my life calling but still i don't know, the working environment gets me down i guess. but i have my 5 goals set for 2008 and i have to say i am stoked!

1. grow closer to God
2. launch my business
3. start my charity
4. become more financially stable
5. buy a car (which spills off from 4, hmmm or maybe i should incorporate that into 4 and find a 5th goal, hmmm will think on it)

but there you have it, i have the ground work laid for all of these goals i just have to execute them, easier said than done, one of my biggest weaknesses is that i get easily distracted, i mean so easy it's crazy. i could be like on this road headed to point B then i see some nice flowers along the way and go 'oh look at the pretty flowers' and get lost from there. i need more direction.

we quarreled today, so stupid, i am too zen for minor spats to be honest stupes. however, i will let it go. (let it go before it kills you......let it fall and fade away....just have fun and do what thrills you....please don't waste another day - Morcheeba)
well said.

so jouvais is getting spayed next wk and i am very worried, i lost two of my long time dogs this year and granted i have two new pups i've only had them since i moved back and jouvais well i've grown very attached to her. i will pray for her operation. i entered all 3 in this nation adorable pets competition and they didn't even place, are bajans blind???? i didn't even see one other dog that rivaled my cuties, needless to say i was fairly disturbed.

tick tock...still waiting on my sandwich

ponderisms

i am on the path of righteousness and it sure does feel good, where are you?

well i must admit, miami was great! i guess the vibes were more positive this time so everything just seemed brighter, like it was a trip in HD. the hardest part i guess was the getting on the plane part, i've been back and forth on planes my whole life and its so strange that now at this age i am developing a fear of flying. it's such an uncomfortable feeling, constantly worrying whether the plane will crash or not, sigh, but i'm working on it. i need to work on it especially if i wanna go to the UK, prayer will push me forward.

looking forward to church on sunday, a good heart felt message always lends to a great week

so i'm gonna get my dog jouvais spayed next week and i'm a lil weary of this, she's a stray i took in like 4 yrs ago and she has never had to get any operations or anything but with two new pups in the yard, and one being her grandson i just don't want any incest-filled activities going on plus she's had two litters and i def think that is enough for her, don't want her body getting worn out but still i'm nervous........

1:21 pm and i haven't had any lunch as well but i got a lot done at work today so that's a plus, i feel good about that

christmas in barbados this year, feeling a lil low about that and i just found out that my grandfather has a hernia and has to have an operation, at his age dread, makes me sad. he is honestly one of the most important people in my life, right up there with my mother honestly and that i'm not there too makes me feel useless. but i know he's a trooper so he'll get thru this in time to see his yankees win the next world series. i'll keep him in my prayers

i have like 140 messages in my hotmail to chk, i just hate chking email now no joke, if i can't tell that it is a personal msg then it just sits there and accumulates yet every time i open my inbox and see so many emails i get depressed cause i just don't wanna delete any either without reading them just in case. tonite during america's next top model finale i will chk it, if i can tear my eyes off the tube of course

ok starting to get hungry, time to call dad :)

been a min........(well more like over a year but no one asked)

the problem with being imperfect is people still always expect you to perform at a perfect level, i mean, crazy yo, these people....i think they're aliens!!!!

just looking back and totally realised i've neglected this page, what! not cool, so now in my free time i'll do what i laves, LAVES to do most.......talk. (lmao)

here at work waiting for my father, gosh the rain is pouring, this old man in here won't stop talking and i wanna go home. my two pups are at home missing their mommy and in need of some tlc, don't worry babies, moms is on her way!!!!

hmmmm, anything interesting happened today? not really, i have to say it was a lovely day, very quiet, no clients, i was able to work on my writing and my drawing, man oh man, still gotta ways to go

guitar lessons was fun as usual, man, he's cute (what, i ain't blind!) and i officially learnt a song. now alls i need to do is work on my own songs, i remember some years back i was talking about bringing out my album, what a lazy artist i am, when the people are calling me out, hahaha, well not really but hey, they could be. has my singing voice improved since? hmmmm....define improved :)

the fish i had today was splendiferous, i know i should feel bad for nemo, what with him losing his father and all but you taste so guuuud, wow-wee! y did i share it? note to self, be more selfish.

breath mints? check!

going to miami tomorrow, boring......i don't know miami just doesn't do it for me, or maybe i don't go to the right places when i'm there. it's like so fake, i mean seriously, those are your boobs? ye, i'm so sure and u have to drive everywhere, the last time i ws there i saw hmmm, one bus. c'est tout. NY now man oh man, culture for miles, i cud hop on the train, the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, n, q (my fav) and just blaze to anywhere. go in the village, eat at spice (plugged!) and shop on Broadway, spend money i shud save and catch a play, spoken word nites at the cafe, reggae nights at belmont, sigh....i could go on and on. this is depressing

anyways, where is my father geez? it's after 6.

talk dirty (just listen)

So it goes I suppose
Trying to lose a shadow (stop stalking me)
Reaching for the unknown
Ye right, nothing in life is easy (just be)
It’s not safe to think anymore
Feeling trapped in the constraints that exist
Exist to maintain “order”
I mean seriously? Look around
Corruption lives in my backyard (yours too)
It breeds on the weak and insufferable
Makes you rethink your mode of thinking
Scars you, cause of your own inaction (lazy)
Can’t hide the shame can you?
Wear it like a tattoo (ye Sade said that too)
Brain dead
Uncommon senses, not accepted, deviating from the norm
Listening, straining to hear life
Nothing, so quiet yet I know, confusion lives on
There’s more, more, more (who doesn’t want it)
It brushes against my body, vapour
A cold wind, a chill
In this cosmically dynamic world
There’s no such thing as a dead end
The abyss of dreams
Like, you just gotta keep walking
Leaving perversion behind, the ugliness (no room)
Ignoring it, it’s not yours to carry, don’t feel guilty
The injustice and unrest, the hate
Did you breed it? Was here in times before
Will be here for time beyond
Death is a cop out isn’t it?
Persecuted for your thoughts, or lack or thinking
It’s like, geez dude which is it?
Indecisive
In the end everyone has lost something (never regained)
It’s like, we’re living so we could die older
Accepting death indeed, but just not now, not yet
Hustling for more, more stress and pain
Happy moments too no doubt
Yet more, taxes and bills some more (begging)
Or whether I’ve made my contribution
The humour of it all, really something
Living so many lives, living lies
Wasting time………
Time never recovered, time mourned for
Timeless
What makes you so special?
Why are you here?
Who has the answers? (it might be out there)
Be still
Maybe it too might brush against your body, vapour
A cold wind, a chill….

good deed gone bad

so i at lunch the other day and as i'm about to cross the street i see this man in a wheel chair holding a cup, i looked to my aunt and said "here's my good deed for the day" (i try to get in atleast one a day) so i pull out my purse and walk over to the guy, getting ready to put my dollar in the cup and the guy goes "huh?" when i look in de cup now de man got kolade in dere, u believe that, so i dere shame as ever, so i was like "oh my gosh so sorry" he aint homeless atall, and then he goes, "no, i'll take the money" and grab de dollar from my hand!!!! all i cud do was walk long.......

last place

Why can’t things be simpler? I mean, must there always be so much confusion and uncertainty? True, maybe having things handed on a silver platter all the time might indeed get a lil boring, true, there may be some things you would want handed on a gold platter, accompanied by a lovely gold spoon even. So then why can’t there be a balance, a little good and a little bad to keep the good in check. Am I missing something? I know I’ve got to be missing something. Maybe if I looked up at the sky, ya know, like what those people do before they get a brilliant idea, maybe that might work. Hum…….let me try. Nope, nothing so far, oh shoot, suppose I wasn’t looking up long enough, stupes, I can’t win. I remember in my younger days I couldn’t wait to be this age. I had so many damn plans and now as my birthdays come and go I feel as though I’m running out of time - time to do what though? I obviously not running out of time if I can spend said time looking up in the sky for something, stupes, so I just wasted time then, I can’t win. I remember I always used to feel as though I was running a race but with who though? I guess my friends, people around me, constantly looking at others and making comparisons, they’re always ahead. But then, ha! I developed multiple personalities so I was basically racing my other selves. Aren’t I the smart one? It’s amazing how you could have one personality around one person and then be a totally different person around another. How does one keep it up? I’m bedazzled everything I notice the switch. What is this invisible pressure that forces us to play this game of hide and seek constantly, geez, I already in a race and now this? I can’t win. But maybe I approaching it from the wrong angle though, maybe hmmmm, if I turn my head this way and….look up with my head tilted slightly, yeah, this way, so that now my left eye is closer to the………YUP! There it is, woohoo! I just received a brilliant idea (wow, my brain is faster than ADSL). I should probably stop worrying about my time, take a breather from this race and just accept the fact that somebody always has to be in last place. Hum……which personality will it be though? AHHHHH, I can’t decide….oh the pressure.

these are the good things sandy did

On my way to work this morning, I was so late, now I see y my aunt likes to leave early, so I there reading my exotic thriller when this Puerto Rican guy and his girl come on de train, cool cool, nothing strange, until I hear him say the words bumbaclot, I was like eh???? Wah he just say, I start to laugh out loud, I know them ppl had to think something was wrong with me but I just found it so funny

Let me tell you bout this exotic tale by Noire that my cousin gave me to read de other day. Now I don't usually read these books but the way I saw her getting on while reading it I have to say I was indeed, intrigued. So I start reading de ting now, y de main character's name is Juicy???? And they got other characters like Flex, G (who is her man and owns a placed called G-Spot, the name of the book by the way), Macaroni, Pananae, Pluto and Moonie, just to name a few. Now ya know from de time ya hear names like that ya can't really expect to be reading deep, thought-provoking stuff, nope straight hood, this book got me dying wid laughter more than anything else, I think I'll stay far away from erotic tales for a while, juicy! Pah, juicy fruit!

i enjoy being a girl better

So hear dis nonsense now, I get on de train de odda day, got on like 5 sweaters, a jacket, boots, socks, gloves, jeans, de works, cause I freezing, barely drawing up next to this woman to keep warm and just like that, la-de-da, this girl walks onto the train, short short skirt, ugg boots, and a sweater and proceeds to sit and talk and laugh with her friend, boy, it took me all the willpower of Jah not to go over there and knock her senseless, acting like it’s not below zero outside, the nerve!!!!!!!!

Wid dese trains ya cud always tell when there’s a bum in one of the carts, thing does b free and clear of ppl, not that I blame them, you know how poisonous those gases are? and de smell like it permeates the skin and it’s with u for days. So I just stay my from cart next door and watch as ppl step in and step out and then rush over to my cart and go like “DAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!!!!!” hehe

Been a few places since I been here, went to this lounge was really nice, totally looking forward to Sunday night guys. Can’t wait to go somewhere and hear music that reminds me of home……..ahhhhhhhhh.
Watched that movie the other night, million dollar baby, what a wonderful film that was, nearly brought me to tears, and that girl, what’s her name again, am, Hilary Swank right, she’s tite!!!!!

I could totally eat pizza every single day all day, honestly, it just does something to me, it gives me needs

It’s so cold outside and to top it off it’s raining today, and I’m stuck here at work till after 5, stupes, hum…… I wonder if I concentrated really hard and just tried, if I could jus click my heels and get home, oh man, I forgot, I didn’t walk with my red heels today, chaaaa

so who is doing who?

some ppl are so retarded hear, so today i goin up bet hill and like there's this man to my right that i could let out if i so desired but i was in the flow of my drive and i really didn't feel to, so anyways i drive and gone long bout my business and all of a sudden de man appears beside me, and this follows:
man - "you know how to change a tire?"
me - (with a rather bewildered look) "no"
man - "ha, i glad das wah u get for not letting me out"

then speeds and goes on his merry way. in one word "BERR!!!!" ya gotta see the crack and leave the crack hear!

i think everybody that went to carnival is a total loser, hum.....i wonder if any of them contributed to the tsunami fund instead of flying all over the c'bean wukkin-up! (however, secretly i wish i was there wukkn-up as well)

is that all there is?

so y would i have a dream about the great brian lara kidnapping me along with 8 other ppl and then killing us one by one? isn't that just like the weirdest thing? even though i would have to admit there is something rather exciting about the thought of being kidnapped by him.....he's interesting.

the weather down here is just doing its own ting nowadays boy, barely but wukking-up in me, tell me y as a youth in the c'bean i would be wearing socks in bed nah? socks as well as being under a comforter and got de sheet all up under my chin and huddling in a corner of my bed, hehe, cold as wah outside boy

so carnival is here and everyone is talking bout it all over their stupid faces, like hello, some of us are trying to read our bibles over here!!!!! geez, i hope they know that jesus can c ya in t'dad, so ef i were them i would go over there and just clap my hands

so what will i do tomorrow nah? boy i smell excitement coming up, wake-up, shit (lol, i could hear my mother laffing at that one all now) and watch tv, fun fun fun, i need ajob

so here's a joke: what's green and smells like pork? kermit's finger. ha. i kill me!!!!!
i miss my jammy