stuttering stanley

de yr of the tie-tongue - now don't get me wrong, i have nothing against ppl with tie tongue, or dat stata nor nuttin, i sometimes stata myself and i used to talk to a guy das stata n that was a challenge within itself, but y is it that i jus butting them in some trying situations, take when i was in j'ca this summer after a nite of partying n stuff we decide to take a taxi home at like 4 sain in de morning so now when we get back on camp we gi de driver 5 US cause is b like 3 bills to get from de club to mona but we didn't know that taxi men don't take US and as foreign as they sound to us when they talk trust me we sound the same to them so while i there telling him we ain't got no jam he was trying to tell me something, now i can honestly say i understand most jamaican most of the time but what is worst than a fast talking jamaican? a stuttering fast talking jamaican, de man dere like "giberish, giberish, gibersh, me me me me, giberish nah, giberish gibersih US money" i swear, das wah i hear, tek me bout 5 mins to crack dat one and den when i finally get it i still ain't had nah jamaican to give him so he stupes curse me n went long, i cudn't even get vex cause up to now i still ain't know wah he say, n then today at sch now i drivin to park in this spot n this guard gan tell me i can't park in there so i like, "hello, i jus saw like 5 parks tho" and he's like "i i i i i i i i i i i i i i am de o o o o o o o official person.........." n den de rest is a blur honestly, what's goin on with the world?

after hour sex

so hear tune now, i lying down last nite, like after 12 flicking thru de channels and i see this ting on de oxygen channel rite entitled "late nite sex talk" so i like ooh la la, yeah man dat's what i'm talking bout, some late nite porn to hit de spot, y when i flick to de channel i c dis old ass white woman taking on air calls n offering sex advice, i was like berr? (1) wah dis bitch doin up so late? (2)wah dis bitch know bout sex nah, when she was having sex women dah time never even used to shave their tout tout so i cudn't figure out wah she was trying to do, how bout if i was a man i wudda get soft inna one

new york revisted

de morning i was coming back to bim see me outside on the step ya know getting all sentimental, looking back at my time in ny, wishing i could stay, bare things. so ya know dem flights does be early, so i outside now watching the sun come up, watching my 100 lb uncle and my 101lb grandfather lifting my suitcases in de car, watching the breeze blowing the leaves in the trees enjoying the nice morning air then i look up (didn't have on my glasses by the way) and i saw this thing running down the block i there like awe......one of the neighbours pups traveling all down de block to c me off, y when de ting get closer i realize it was a big ass rat, now honestly, wah de........ting look like it does be in de macdonald trash bin jus chillin on some burgers.......if they had a rat "spokesrodent" for micky dees that would b it...........left me fairly disturbed to say the least