so i could open up my mind

i feel so lucid, so weak, what is it that is draining me? what is it?

i'm so thankful for yet another week but i'm feeling so tired, tired and sleepy, how i wish i was snuggled in my bed right now. didn't sleep well last night, are my thoughts keeping me awake? i can't run from my mind no matter how hard i try, forcing me to deal with things that i don't even want to deal with or think about. sigh. but i am giving thanks for my mind.

why is it so hard with you? if they all only knew, you're no angel. and the blindfolds are coming off finally. i don't see me with you sometimes.

i know everyone thinks their mother is the best and i guess i can see where they're coming from and all but i have to say my mother is so close to perfection it scares me. yes she is habitually late and claims she knows every single thing under the sun but other than that the things that matter to me, that i would want to come from a mother she has it in abundance. she is loving, kind, appreciative of any little thing, understanding, non-judgmental (which is important seeing the mistakes i've made, lol) she always gave me my room to be myself and to explore and she also trusted me from a young age, so that gave me a comfort of knowing i could come to her anytime about anything and just talk. the things my mum and i talk about, hmmmm, her friends would probably be like "beverley i can't believe you let her say things like that to you" as if! stupes, too bouj if ya ask me. she is just down to earth man, she can hang and she's my kinda chick, straight up. and i love her. she is probably the only person in the world i feel comfortable telling that i love.

i do, i have problems saying those 3 words, and yes i may write on them, poems for days on love and the like, hey, i use my imagination. i imagine when i was in love a time, what it felt like and i put that to paper. i listen to my friends describe how they feel and i put that to paper. i look at life, at the world, people i bump in, chance upon, used to look at people on the train a lot, especially in the train station, trying to draw my energy from them. i would get so many different emotions from just looking at a person or just listening. NY was my haven. trying to find that connection somewhere in bim. it's coming though.....i can feel it.

last week was a tough week for me, but again i am thankful for my trials. Lord, help me to rise above the past and look forward. if it be your will grant me the strength for perseverance.

i am a woman.