she could've been....

Endings...
is this really the end
or is your life now beginning?
i've heard rumours about heaven
and i could only imagine your vision -
as you open your eyes
and behold God in all his majesty
the sadness that weighed down your heart now lifted
even shifted as you can look down now on your beautiful family
and be the guardian angel over their paths forever.
smile at this blessing and we will too at your memory......

thank you for being part of my schools days.



i knew Tonya..

i can't say we were bosom buddies but we went to school together she was a star athlete and me a lowly cheerleader but still i remember cheering her on. she was always big in size and i think that's what made her stand out cause regardless of her size she moved fast! really fast.

and her heart was just as big, very bubbly and kind-hearted. i have never heard anyone utter a bad word about her. so it goes, when you leave school you usually leave people behind, lose contacts, the usual but she came back to my memory when i saw her graduate from law school last yr i was like wow! i'd checked the newspaper to see some of my friends (who called me incessantly to make sure i read the advocate) but there i saw Tonya as well. i was like wow! made me feel proud to see so many combermerians and to see an old pal from school doing well.

then my mother asked me on sunday if i knew the girl that died......i was like a girl died? how old? she goes she was 24 so i'm like oh, i didn't know many of the lower school students (there's my damn ego again sigh*) but she started to give me some details, i was like hmmmm, was she an athlete? she couldn't say. was she a lawyer? again couldn't say. so i mourned the loss of a young combermerian and went no further.

saw a few missed calls on my phone yesterday from my mother but i just hate cell phones to be honest so i said i'd call her back when i got to a land line. finally she got through to me as i was worried by the 3rd call that it was something serious and she told me yes, she was an athlete. and it was then my heart sank. somehow, even though there were a plethora of athletes i knew her age, i just knew it was her.

i am still in shock. i just can't believe it. why? she was so talented and i admired the fact that she stayed with the same person for so long, she started a family young but still managed to balance a career as well and therefore securing a strong future for her family. i mean how many people her age can say they've accomplished that. it was her heart that ultimately took her life. it was probably over-flowing with all the goodness, good friends and good deeds she'd accomplished over her short 24 years. and today i feel a sense of over-whelming sadness, i do. gone too soon.

i will keep her family in my prayers. i pray that those beautiful girls grow up and learn about how strong and determined their mother was. how much she loved them and did all she could for them to be here and how she ultimately sacrificed her life for theirs.

she will truly be missed and my one regret right now is that i didn't check up on this news earlier and because of my laziness i missed the funeral, i missed the chance to say good-bye to an old school mate. i will never act so slowly again.

God Bless her as i know she is up there with you.

Tonya Shantelle Nicole Howard
Sunrise: January 7th, 1984
Sunset: March 25th, 2008

you will always be remembered......