this one is Called..

is it possible
to love God and a Man
without a gold band
on my left hand?
and knowingly
live in sin
when i don't even know where this is going?
is it possible
to make the ultimate sacrifice
and watch him walk out
of my life
cause i am tired
of putting him before God?
this is hard...
the decisions we make
not knowing which path
we should take
the struggle between the spirit
and the body
and i've always been somebody's
somebody but when
the trials and temptations come
i have nobody...

...but God.

thank you.


i have a lot of thoughts running through my head and i must fight against my temptations...i know i am stronger than this...i think i need to pray and leave it with God, cause it seems like no one else is willing to take my fears..

..so God.....here!

good vs evil.

satan tries
satan lies
satan tempts
satan vents
satan sneaks
satan creeps
satan bleeds
satan's greed
satan's pills
satan kills
satan steals
satan weasels
satan hates
satan baits
satan grabs
satan nabs
satan destroys
satas foils
satan's hell
satan's bottomless well
satan scars
satan mars
satan takes
satan breaks
satan goes
satan's woes
satan robs
satan mobs
satan is a loser...
...but God!

God is
God lives
God does
God Loves
God gives
God sacrifices
God's Hands
God understands
God hears
God cares
God feeds
God's needs
God unifies
God bides
God feels
God heals
God kneels
God seals
God holds
God's gold
God teaches
God reaches
God plans
God opens
God starts
God's heart
God is the beginning
Let Him be your ending.

thank you.


i was having a hard day until i signed in and saw something that made me smile..

the hardest thing is to know, i strongly believe in that phrase because if you don't know then you can't take any action, make any changes..work (my job) is hard and it constantly tests my faith. Satan is everywhere and ever busy, doesn't he ever get tired? then i'm stuck with my own paradox..while i tell myself over and over that when one door closes another one opens and that God provides...my little voice has been telling me for weeks to "get out" of my job and i haven't had the guts to leave...my fear...

....my fear that i won't land on my feet, that that door won't open like i believe, that my bills won't go on hold until i find my true mission..everything. and i must admit that i'm scared.

but again the hardest thing is to know. now i know and i need God more now than ever....what to do?

i was having a hard day until i signed in and saw something that made me smile...

...thank you.

i made it!! (to today)

beautiful sun
radiating sunbeams of glory
God and all His awesomeness
is my favorite bedtime story
trials and temptations
and doubting "Thomases"
he has never yet failed me
and has kept all of His promises
how excellent is His name
when spoken with righteous lips
and made from the earth
and plucked from a rib
he keeps my soul dancing
in the early morning
and calms my spirit daily
until twilight's dawning
and when i lay me down at night
i rest my weary head
knowing the grace of God
has me....
well fed.

thank you.

today will be an awesome day as i have the power to control my thoughts and actions. though temptations may follow me i'll keep them in the background cause i have more profound reason to give my best. i'm blessed, so blessed and sometimes i wonder why me? but i won't question God and his originality i will just try to be....a good servant.

been feeling a bit burnt out recently, feels like i am living to work, instead of working to live. the former speaks to my life being void of prayers and praise and more on hours and bills. i don't like it but i have myself to blame who else but me can efficiently manage my time?

....balance. i'm a Libra and i can't find the balance. it troubles me.

a friend of mine suggested to me earlier this week that i should dedicate at least 5-10 minutes of alone time for talking with God and i haven't even made the effort. i will do that shortly.

with each day i feel even more thankful, thankful for eyes that can see the morning sun..

i write for a reason

..i too
choose to listen
dance with the wind
i don't mind second place
i just wanna finish..is all
i don't mind atall
holding the door for you
letting you take me seat
and i definitely don't care
if you're packing heat
see..i'm sweet and tender
and full of sugar
and i'd melt the tips
of an iceberg
with my words.
no..but i don't wanna sound
cocky luckily i have
God! he grounds me
fills me sustains me
delivers me from adversity
so i wanna give a shout out
to Him for through Him
i have found eternity.

thank you.


i guess it's something that comes with growing...growing in all facets be it spiritual, mental, individual, physical even sexual. it comes and stays and you either have to deal with it head on or ignore it and let it stay there undernourished.

i guess i used to be embarrassed, i felt like my messages were so hmmmm, corny, ordinary "undeep", man just weak, and i never wanted to open myself up to criticism. plus i was fearful of who i knew was watching me. why? i don't know. but i guess i've grown.

i've changed in the sense that i am open now to other people, other words, other points of view. i am open to listening and getting the courage to voice my opinions. i'm not ashamed to learn from others and i think that has been the most exciting part...learning from people who have been filling voids that i didn't even know existed. i am filled with gladness when i think of the doors and avenues this new point of view has led me too..

so to all that pass through, to those that allow me to see you and your points of view and influence and shape my thinking...thank you.

wiser too!!

..anew!

I woke up a different woman this morning
Different to the woman that closed her eyes to sleep
What a beautiful surprise the sunrise was
Removing the shades of darkness
I watched the sun creep towards the bed
Towards my body, massaging me into the day
And I felt like I could handle whatever came my way
I feel like I can be that woman that I long to be
I feel free to decide and free to pray
And today I am praying for forgiveness
I woke up this morning and I was a different woman
A blessed woman, a woman with potential
I don’t know who that was that closed her eyes to sleep
But like the blind she has opened her eyes to see
That life is beautiful.
And she can be
Hopeful.

thank you.

be careful what you wish for..

yesterday was my birthday and i spent the entire morning and some of the afternoon at an accident site and the police station. i got into an accident at 9:30 a.m. and while i was not the one at fault in a way i am connected to this scene. all morning i was cursing the fact that i had to go to work, saying over and over that i wish i didn't have to go and thinking of excuses so that i could leave early. i basically "spoke" this accident into my life by focusing on it so much both mentally and verbally.

and it is true, what you speak into your life can come true, sometimes in ways that you wouldn't even imagine. what you say of others as well, you can speak negativity into someone else's life, that's why nowadays i am so cautious of what i think to myself and say of/to others. training myself to have positive uplifting thoughts. it's a work in progress.

i am thankful that no one got hurt yesterday, thankful for another year, for life, family and friendships. i can achieve anything as long as i always put God first!!

who am i, what and why?

when i am
around you i
like to pretend
and hold my breath
hoping you'll meet me
around the bend.
and when you
turn to leave my
side i wish and hope and
pray that through the thick
the thin the in-between your
footsteps will guide my way.

thank you.


God is awesome and Vanya means gracious gift of God and it goes back to what the pastor says "this life God gave us is a gift". gifts can come in all sizes, all patterns and shapes but they're gifts nonetheless and they need to be valued and appreciated. today Vanya wants to stop complaining as much and start shining more...

Nicky is missing and i am praying and hoping that she comes home soon or if someone took her that they can find it in their hearts to bring her back. you can get so attached to animals and it's amazing how thoughts of her being missing consumed my being all day. but i have faith in God's will and i know it will be well however it turns out.

a little tired today, a kind of fatigue that my usual coffee could not shake, i can't wait to get home, put on some Marvin Gaye and breeze...

i ain't apologizin'....

a grown woman...

there was a hint of sweetness
in your voice
said i was on your mind
and i blushed
was i? was i really?
brought a smile to my face
yes....yes you did
that you were thinking of me
made me wonder
how often do you....
think of me?

peace!

today was a nice day. i feel good and i feel like my confidence is coming back. looking forward to tonight.

i loved him. nuff said!

i can't wait for my trip, i think it is just what i need, a week in NY while fall is slowly creeping in, and i can finally take a trip that feels like a vacation.....no shopping! just parks and museums and plays and movies, oh and relaxation. i can't wait to see my grandparents again...i miss them

i think i will also look for a job (just to keep my options open)

praise and meditation and then he came...

she has no time

do you see
you are a beautiful
human being?
soft snow honey dew skin
with the framework of an
architect's kin?
lips lovingly laced with words
that are traced over my heart
can't you see....you are
a work of art?
sculpted by the hands
of our great God - such imperfections
makes my soul applaud
who amongst us can say
that they are not without sin
don't be afraid to recognize
the beauty you possess within.
and shine...

thank you.

it's been a while but i feel good and positive and i just can't wait to fall again but i'll definitely take my time :)

i am sad...

no joy

i have tried for the last few months to make you as miserable as i feel and now i've succeeded i am not even enjoying the moment...does it even make sense?....inevitability slowly creeps in....