Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness......

Jesus.....
you knew me before my time
you molded a beautiful mind
i come to you a sinner and ashamed
yet i feel glorified when i hear your name.....Jesus!

thank you for your example....

yesterday's church service was the best one i've had since i moved back, wait no, ah lie, the service i had on my b'day was pretty great but then again it was a visiting minister at my church not even my home minister and then yesterday i went to St. Matthias so there i am faced again with getting the spiritual food i need from people who are not from my church sigh* (oh woe is me) and i can't say i'm a big Anglican person but that church was da bomb! i thoroughly enjoyed the service, it was so interactive and real man, i miss churches like that! reminded me a bit of NY at least on the inspirational level, i would love to make that my home church but chaaa it's so far and then my mum might feel a way that we aren't ministering together so that's another issue but it has given me the soul power i need for this week. i even wrote a verse whilst in church (i know that's bad) but it inspired me. pity i left it home but i'll probably upload it later.


http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/06/mlk.role.church/index.html

Kevin sent me this link and i found it rather interesting, i've been reading a lot recently about prosperity preachers and how they have been leading people astray with their "successful living"theory as the way to God, neglecting to mention that Christians suffer as well. i will just upload the correspondence we had after reading this article.

On 4/6/08 3:44 PM, "Vanya " wrote:

this was a good article thanks for sharing.

i think a lot boils down to what people think "living the best life they can" is as we mostly hear that once u do good u will get good, that was always a motivation for me. it would be hard for people to understand that being a Christian also means that there may be suffering as well plus a lot of poor people who make up like half of jakes' congregation don't want to hear that even though they're poor now the possibility exists that they may spend the rest of their lives being poor even though they are Christians. especially living in the USA where there is so much ugliness around, ppl tend to want something positive to hold onto i guess.

what is your view of priests and the like, living luxurious lives? (cars, big house, brand name clothes)

Dear Vanya,
The thing about the prosperity message is that if you teach it according the bible, it’s short, concise and maybe too simple for people to accept. From the book of Matthew the scripture reads

“25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

If you read that and understand it, that’s it in a nutshell. The error with the prosperity gospel is that it makes “successful living” the motive for coming to Christ. This is a deception for we are to come to Christ because we recognize we are sinners who need to repent and seek God’s mercy that is made available through the blood atonement of this same Jesus Christ. I can tell you that historically, many of the early Christians were persecuted, lived in poverty and even beheaded and executed. According to the standard these prosperity preachers are using today, these people lived very unsuccessful lives. I remember there is a verse, I can’t quite remember where it is in the bible but it talks about Paul and Barnabas receiving lashes for having preached the gospel when forbidden to do so. After that they actually rejoiced for having suffered for the sake of the kingdom. Besides that they were homeless for a while and were in jail as well. In fact Paul, I think died in jail, beheaded by the Roman emperor Nero.

Now being a Christian doesn’t mean god will not bless you and you’re destined to live a life of suffering. He will bless you according to his will, in his time and in his own way. It may not be riches, it may be, it may not be infamy, it may be...you don’t know. What you do know is that if you seek him first and his righteousness then everything else that you need for this temporal life will be given to you. But it’s nothing compared to what you will receive in the life here after and that is what we Christians are looking for. “A city not made by man but whose architect and builder is God.”

With that I leave you with scripture. From Philippians chapter 3:

“7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Regards

i have to share this article with some of my friends and see what opinions i get. i wonder what lars would say?

i will not mention you when the reckoning comes

Growth.....
i am learning that sometimes i have to make mistakes over and over before i truly learn the lesson.

i am learning that no matter how hard i try people will only change when they want to.

i am learning to see the good in people where i didn't think any good exists. i am learning it is there i just need to be patient.

i am learning that it is ok to quarrel sometimes, clear the air so to speak. i've always heard it's better out than in. (austin powers)

i am learning that in order for me to find a good man i have to start by being a good woman.

i am learning that is it never too late to turn to God.

i am learning that it's ok to give without getting. (that was hard)

i am learning that i should always follow my dreams and not get caught up in others' dreams as i might never accomplish my own.

i am learning that no matter how genuine you are nor how you present yourself to people they will only see the wrong you did. and i am learning not to care.

i am learning that you can show people sides of you and they can use those sides against you and when you start showing them nothing they're still not satisfied damn! so i am learning to just accept who i am and that i won't be liked by all but that i already am blessed with good people in my life and that should be enough.

i am learning not to hold onto pain so strongly. let it go, let God and live!

i am learning to forgive slowly but surely.

thank you. (for now.....)


it's friday!!!!! holla!!!!! thank goodness, i am so pooped it ain't funny. i am really looking forward to sunday cause i have work all day tomorrow :( how crazy is that but i gotta be thankful for my j-o-b.

april will be my month of soul. i'm gonna connect to soul sistas, soul brothas, soul mamas and papas. imma spread my soul seeds so far that i'll go st. lucy n see some of my soul there....liming. ow!

i got my new tree last night and she is beautiful, i wonder how long it takes for an almond tree to grow and i really hope the dogs don't dig it up, oh please don't dig her up she is just too beautiful, i think i will name her Tallulah.

so i said i'd name the new dog milo but now i'm hearing that's too common a dog name blah blah so it's back to the drawing board hmmm......

i still need to work on my time management or request a cut down on the amount of work i am given, i find that i have loads of work and then when i'm home i'm working too or at least thinking about work, that's just crazy yo! i gotta keep myself in check more.

the world is made up of so many different people, different personalities and different backgrounds. in my past i used to be so snobbish and i looked down on people a lot. when i think back to those days i feel so ashamed. who was i to judge. now i have a more open mind the ways of my past still haunt me sometimes. but i will not give up. life is a journey and i'm committed to seeing it through till the end.

my music sustains me when you don't. nuff said.

life is so short and we take so many things for granted. i don't wanna start living everyday like it's my last but i want to continue to grow as i age and i can only ask to grow old with the people i love.

God Bless.

misunderstood (we are)

"Baba Says Cool For Thought"
They thought it was cool to burn crosses on your front lawn as they hung you from trees in your backyard
They thought it was cool to leave you thirsty and stranded, Katrina!
He thought it was cool to carry a gun in his classroom and open fire, Virginia Tech, Columbine Stop the violence!
They thought it was cool to tear down the projects and put up million dollar condos, Gentrification
They think it's cool to stand on the block hiding product in their socks to make quick dime bag dollars
They think it's cool to ride down on you in blue and white unmarked cars busting you upside your head
Freeze...
'Cause the problem is we think it's cool too
Check your ingredients before you overdose, on The Cool...

by Iesha Jaco

i have this hunger, this burning, what is it on my mind? you would think it wasn't me, that they weren't my thoughts. yet somehow, they are elusive to even me. i haven't written a verse in long, working on my album but i think i need a lil poetic break. word.

today was a better day than yesterday. thank you for not sinking any further.

people only show you what they want you to see. nuff said.

work this wk-end sigh* i feel like i've been going and going not stopping and i'm a lil tired, mentally drained, whatever you wanna call it. i could use a wk in the Bahamas or sum.....i'm really looking forward to my trip. i could use a lil cold on my bones, it's hot in Barbados!

angie stone is going to be at st. lucia jazz and i can't go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
i feel a lil better now. i know she will give a good show!

seriously if i hear that chris brown song one more time i am gonna scream, would you believe my mother even has it as her ring tone. my mother who doesn't even no how to send a text ot change from ring to vibrate. who doesn't even know how to turn off her cell phone??????????? i blame lana. lol. but seriously i am way tired of that song and to me the beginning sounds like "irreplaceable" by beyonce. but hey, that's just me.

kanye's new stage is awesome, damn! i should be there, i can only hope i catch him when i travel, he's da bomb!

i am learning, learning how to come out on top, learning that i am who i am and that's a blessing, learning that i don't need you or anyone to validate my mind or my thoughts. i am learning that there is good in everyone. even if we don't get along there's good in you, i have to believe that in order for us to co-exist.

thank you for constantly testing me, i am growing stronger through you.

she could've been....

Endings...
is this really the end
or is your life now beginning?
i've heard rumours about heaven
and i could only imagine your vision -
as you open your eyes
and behold God in all his majesty
the sadness that weighed down your heart now lifted
even shifted as you can look down now on your beautiful family
and be the guardian angel over their paths forever.
smile at this blessing and we will too at your memory......

thank you for being part of my schools days.



i knew Tonya..

i can't say we were bosom buddies but we went to school together she was a star athlete and me a lowly cheerleader but still i remember cheering her on. she was always big in size and i think that's what made her stand out cause regardless of her size she moved fast! really fast.

and her heart was just as big, very bubbly and kind-hearted. i have never heard anyone utter a bad word about her. so it goes, when you leave school you usually leave people behind, lose contacts, the usual but she came back to my memory when i saw her graduate from law school last yr i was like wow! i'd checked the newspaper to see some of my friends (who called me incessantly to make sure i read the advocate) but there i saw Tonya as well. i was like wow! made me feel proud to see so many combermerians and to see an old pal from school doing well.

then my mother asked me on sunday if i knew the girl that died......i was like a girl died? how old? she goes she was 24 so i'm like oh, i didn't know many of the lower school students (there's my damn ego again sigh*) but she started to give me some details, i was like hmmmm, was she an athlete? she couldn't say. was she a lawyer? again couldn't say. so i mourned the loss of a young combermerian and went no further.

saw a few missed calls on my phone yesterday from my mother but i just hate cell phones to be honest so i said i'd call her back when i got to a land line. finally she got through to me as i was worried by the 3rd call that it was something serious and she told me yes, she was an athlete. and it was then my heart sank. somehow, even though there were a plethora of athletes i knew her age, i just knew it was her.

i am still in shock. i just can't believe it. why? she was so talented and i admired the fact that she stayed with the same person for so long, she started a family young but still managed to balance a career as well and therefore securing a strong future for her family. i mean how many people her age can say they've accomplished that. it was her heart that ultimately took her life. it was probably over-flowing with all the goodness, good friends and good deeds she'd accomplished over her short 24 years. and today i feel a sense of over-whelming sadness, i do. gone too soon.

i will keep her family in my prayers. i pray that those beautiful girls grow up and learn about how strong and determined their mother was. how much she loved them and did all she could for them to be here and how she ultimately sacrificed her life for theirs.

she will truly be missed and my one regret right now is that i didn't check up on this news earlier and because of my laziness i missed the funeral, i missed the chance to say good-bye to an old school mate. i will never act so slowly again.

God Bless her as i know she is up there with you.

Tonya Shantelle Nicole Howard
Sunrise: January 7th, 1984
Sunset: March 25th, 2008

you will always be remembered......

i get it.

Thank you.....
People come into your life, some seasons
With or without reasons….lifetimes
Feels like a new day since you’ve been in mine
And I am thankful, I am grateful
for the love that we’ve made
the mistakes too i guess we grow when we want to
i'm thankful for the ups and downs
the trials and the victories too
but most of all, i am thankful for you....

so, thank you.

today was a challenge but i have finally broken free. i feel happy to be here to be alive and to give. i mean seriously, why not, i ain't busy.

thankful for work and for giving my all even when i am sleepy and ain't had my first cup of coffee. seriously, i need to stop.

and i'm thankful for the different experiences i have everyday, granted sometimes i feel like i am a walking soap opera nonetheless everything leads me back to you, to God, so...thank you.

more times....

waiting for my 'exhale' moment

" If you're searching for a place you know,
a familiar face, somewhere to go
You should look inside yourself
You're halfway there

Sometimes you'll laugh
Sometimes you'll cry
Life never tells us, the when's or why's"

Whitney Houston


sometimes you make me feel so poor. the things that i hold as the riches of life seem not to matter to you (you know those boring things like fearing God, respect, unconditional love, honesty). don't get caught sacrificing your soul and dignity for money, for inheritance. cause the richest man could have the sickest soul and end up alone.

i am waiting for my exhale moment, to just breathe and breathe easy, sometimes i feel so empty, but only emotionally cause i know i am rich in spirit and intellectualism and i love it and i love myself.

i need to get my business off the ground, it's so easy to get caught up in other people's dreams....it's time i started living my dreams and seeing them through. i got dreams and ideas come through the seams. so imma do me!

thank you for individualism.......

Joy Division (finish strong!)

REFRAIN......
all the riches in the world
all the diamonds and the pearls
all the 'bling bling' don't mean a thing
if you ain't got God dwelling.....
big house, cars and money ain't the way to my heart
Brotha, you gotta come mo'betta, fresha', most deafa'
let the rhythm get ya......(haha)
you gotta woo me with a honest soul
a boatload of monogamy and an arsenal of modesty
R-E-S-P-E-C-T like sista Aretha
Brotha, you gotta be sexy spiritual, teasing intellectual
and a bellyful of wonderful.....then we could spar
get it star?

thank you....


we made it oh joy, thank you for life and it's amenities.

i am looking forward to a productive and balanced week-end, spending time with you but on my turf, had to flip the script and turn the page on this drama.

i don't know who this woman is but did i hear my mother mention getting another dog? what would that be 4? granted nicky spends all of her time elsewhere but still, crazy yo! what will i name this one?

i am proud of my students from Welches primary, they are so talented and gifted man, i hope they realize the gifts they've been given and USE them, how i hope they'd use them, don't waste them, they're those who don't have.

on my way to a meeting now......thank you for the courage to write my feelings no matter who is listening. i'm not ashamed and i'm only human. beautifully imperfect and i love it.

more times.....

i'm nobody's girl but somebody's WOMAN

Beginnings....
let's go back to the beginning
just friends, depending on each other as friends do
non-judgmental, easy, before things got crazy
and we crashed into something
let's go back to the start
when it was smooth as jazz, as poetic as the guitar
mellow as the saxophone and powerful as the trombone
and we were uncomplicated.

thank you....


had a nice walk with the dogs today, note to self do not walk alone with an ipod on lonely streets. anybody could grab me oh loss, no bosie.

i've made a few changes to my goals for 2008. i want to make more contributions to my home. i have lagged a bit since i been back and my one dream would be to have the capacity to help my mother complete her dream house, after all this time it's not finished. but i admire her though, she's doing it alone (well with help from me where i can) and she hasn't given up as yet. she's my rock and a living example. and she's beautiful.

i am a superwoman and i love God. nuff said.

God is waiting for you (me too) what are you waiting for? in the beginning you sang another tune, now, i'm not sure i know you. the lures of the world can trap you, gotta stay strong and elevate your mind above the material....

i need a new muse. something/someone who can take me higher. how i miss camesha. been hearing some lyrical birds down here man, wow, good stuff. gotta keep my ears to the ground for more. i like it hardcore. maybe someday i'll wax poetic outside of my comfort zone.

i am thankful for feeling better today than i did yesterday.....

it's all about the kick/push

“I’m a new soul, I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take. But since I came here felt the joy and the fear, finding myself making every possible mistake.” - Yael Naim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYBLjEaDFDE

Mac ads rule!!!!!!!
besides the fact that i just love that song the words make sense to me. i've always been a taker, a taker and a leaver. one of the hardest things i ever had to do was to become a giver, an unconditional giver. giving even when i know sometimes it's in vain. i ask myself a lot, why me? why now? why? but why not me? if not now when? why not? i can never learn by sitting on the sidelines. gotta get in the game and participate.

just when i think i'm making progress reality comes to slow me down, why do i let the words of ignorant people affect me. the push effect. sigh* the push effect. words are just words, insults are taken and not given. i need to stop giving words power. i know who i am, i believe in myself and i will weather the storm, with or without you.

i was so sick today, had to leave work early, i don't understand why. what did i eat last night again? note to self, cut down on the late night snacks.

that girl from the flashing lights music video...wa wow! her body is sick wicked, from here on out i will try to get as bodied as she is, i mean seriously, it's wicked.

i am so thankful for the strength to get past my stomach flu, yes i did not get to be as productive as i would've liked to be today and yes i missed group but i won't let that get in the way of my goal of having a great week. i have a few more days to go and nothing is gonna stop me.

i forgot to feed the dogs today, shameful.

something is off, i can sense it. do i care to find out? i think i will just let life take it's course. nuff said.

i am thankful for mornings....

knowing is growing

YOU....

Love is you in the morning looking back at me
giving me the strength to be all i envision spiritually
Love is you in the harmony of this melody
Love is you speaking to me with you heart,
I can hear every beat in the music of my feet.
And I wanna dance, I wanna shout, I wanna let everyone know what this good feeling in my soul is all about. It’s about the God in my heart and the love that pumps breaths into me, it’s about you.

It’s about you....thank you.


i finally finished the album i started back in 2004 phew! now all i have to tackle is world peace.

i had such a beautiful day today, my students were excellent, my clients were talkative and willing and work was just fine. i am blessed with so many ummm, blessings that sometimes i just can't find the words to say :)

what goes around comes around. nuff said.

i am getting so tired of my hair sometimes, i think i need to buy either a curling iron or am, what's it called a flat iron cause i'm getting bored of putting it in one but then it's too hot nowadays to wear it open (oh woe is me) maybe i should just cut it off........woah, what just happened there, hmmm, i think i blacked out. (was that my body's unconscious way of shutting down when it heard me mention cutting off my hair?)..........woahhhhh, happened again. how weird.

i feel so very positive about this week that i really, truly hope and pray i can maintain this feeling cause as we all know i am very up and down, and this up and down can be very trying "lemme tell ya!"

so much work to do but i won't even think about it until i step into the office tomorrow morning. i am looking forward to a good night's sleep.

so from sunday i decided to go on an Internet purge, i can get lost looking at page after page of celebrities (i know how shameful, only A-listers tho, lol) and then i am always looking at clothes, as non-materialistic i like to play i am i just laaaves clothes. clothes and shoes sigh*. i have a pair of pants that i honestly wish i could wear every single day, if it weren't for societal pressures i would honestly beat them everyday, everywhere and if they got dirty, wash them hang them out and beat them fresh the next day, what??? chaaaa but what a fashion faux pas being caught in the same outfit twice or close to each other (the horror) stupesssssssss, i think things were better when we all walked around naked. i think i'll take a page outta nef's book though and have a sale, all of these clothes that i don't wear (seeing i go nowhere) and that are taking up space. i don't need the baggage, i can't take any of this ish to the grave and it's time i stepped away once and for all from that self that "watched face" and had to be "branding" it, stupes, i'm so over it!

late night snack? yes plz!

man i am so blessed i wanna like spread my blessings to everyone and help them too to understand their blessings.

sidebar (i just really wish this hair dryer would ping)

but i am going to continue on my internet purge, i used the world wide web to do things i don't want to do, my msn depresses me and i hate checking my email (i mean 150 msgs seriously??? sigh*)

i will just blog and watch online tv until sunday. good luck and God speed.

ping!!!!
holla!!!!!!!!!!!!!